Ask Eric: Alcoholic daughter believes the pregnancy will save her from addiction
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Ask Eric: Alcoholic daughter believes the pregnancy will save her from addiction

Dear Eric: I am a single woman in the early 60’s who have become close with a couple. They have four children, and their second oldest daughter (30) is an alcoholic and has a physical and verbally abusive on/off relationship with an alcohol boyfriend.

She recently dropped the bomb on her parents that she is pregnant and maybe she should keep it because it can “give her purpose.” Sometimes she accepts her parents’ loving help, but based on what I can attest, she is mainly manipulative and plays the debt game.

Since I am an alcoholic (sober more than three years) I have been a resource for parents as well as the daughter and try to help them understand that it is not their fault, as good as you can lead a horse to water, but the addict must want the change .

I felt good to be able to give some insight into an addict, but with the new monkey wrench of pregnancy and the daughter’s fragile state of mind, I am lost because I am not a professional with references.

Do you have any resources that can be helpful to my friends? They are a wonderful man/wife (marry more than 33 years), and their daughter’s dependence and narsisist behavior take a fee on their lives and also affect the other children. It is heartbreaking to look at/hear.

– Flummoxed

Dear Flummoxed: An Al-anon meeting (al-anon.org) or a smart recovery family meeting (smartrecovery.org) is good first step for your friends to learn tools to process what is happening and help their beloved. You can also voluntarily join them in the beginning if you want.

In addition, they should reach the subject of abuse and mental health services (Samsa.Gov or 800-662-Help) for in-depth resources. Hotline is available around the clock and can point the parents to recovery resources, treatment options, advisors and more.

Finally, continue to give your friend gift of your presence and advice. There are other ways to get the help they need, but your experience, strength and hope, along with your friendship, will be invaluable when navigating this challenge.

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him further Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter on rericthomas.com.