Dear Miss Manners: I participate in a regular online training class, where all customers are veterans – and mostly men. I am usually the only woman in the group. Participants usually sign several minutes early to Chitchat, and the host (a woman) greets everyone when she sees them. My annoyance is that she greets all men like “Mr.” And me with my first name. Everyone’s screen names include both first and last names, and no one is particularly difficult to pronounce, so I do not understand the difference in addressing us. The participants are all older than she is, so it is not about showing respect for the elderly. I can imagine several possible reasons for this: – She feels more chummy with me, like the only other woman present. – She is unconsciously more respectful for the men. – I am not seen as a friend of the other veterans because I am “just” a woman (something that met a lot on active service, unfortunately). -There are some subconscious self -distances when talking to men versus women. She may not realize that this can be frightened and may appreciate that she will hear. Should I email her to notify her? Should I change my screen name to “Miss so-and-so” or even more snoring, “Sergeant so-and-so”-like not so subtle tip? I am in conflict with asking this. Ironically, one of my joy after retiring was finally called my first name again.

Gentle Reader: Ironic Really. Miss Manners suggests a non-snap reason that is not on your list: that this woman may not know which honest you use (Miss, wife or wife) and is afraid to guess. List your preferred honest or your rank, as your screen name would certainly make the point. If she asks you about it or seems to be surprised, you can help you say, “I just noticed that you prefer to call people with their last name, so I wanted to warn you about mine.”

(Send your questions to Miss Manners on her site, www.missmanners.com; to her e -post, [email protected]; Or by mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2025 Judith Martin distributed by Andrews McMeel Syndication 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, Mo 64106; 816-581-7500